While I can appreciate and understand the sentiments of how this horrendous moment that occurred in Orlando is an attack against humanity I just need to say something as a gay/queer woman – this was a hate crime. This was a purposeful attack on members of a community that are my brothers and sisters. This was an attack at a place where so many for so long have deemed a safe haven because we knew being in such places was safe, and we didn’t have to be invisible both in who we are and our love.
Yes – humanity has an unbearable sadness affixed to it once again, but those of us in the Queer community are (as we’ve done for so long) walking with fear and unsettled feelings on our day to day goings. We are shaken to our core because there are those who hate us, want to erase us and wish we didn’t exist simply because we do.
Growing up as a young queer girl in a small Vermont town I didn’t have havens to hide away in. I didn’t have places where I could go and feel a part of something bigger than myself and not feel alone. Places such as Pulse were where I wanted and needed to be. I would leave my small town on any given Friday night to go to places where I could have this safety, this security, this feeling of knowing that I was with others who were just like me, and all we wanted to do/have was the freedom to just be.
Those for me are some of my fondest memories in my young queer days. Piling into a car, driving the nearly 2 hours to a destination with friends and having the freedom to be for hours and hours without cause for worry or concern. You’d be amazed to hear of all the unusual things we would do there – we would dance, we would talk for hours, laugh until our sides hurt, enjoy breakfast at the local diner after being out all night long, and relishing – relishing in the feeling(s) that these moments were defining our beings, reminding us that we are beautiful/lovely humans whose only incriminating crime was being who we are.
For those who were at Pulse – this is all they were doing. Being who they are in a place that had been a safe space for so very long. They were creating memories and laughing. They were dancing to the sounds of musical beats that made their bodies explode with freedom. They were celebrating life/love/happiness. They were simply; being/loving/relishing.
It has been many years since the beginnings of understanding who I am as a human. I used to feel that being gay was only a part of me, but actually – it’s more than that. IT IS ME! I am a beautiful queer human who wants nothing more than to live/love/be loved/enjoy the time I have on this earthly domain. I will never understand how love/kindness is not the vehicle of motion for any/all with each day that we breathe in and breathe out. Love will win. Love is what we need. Love will bring us together. Love is how we should be.