Why is it that when there are times when we need to feel safe and protected we often return to place(s) or people that are not the healthiest for our internal beings? Why is it that the place(s) or people we want the most are often the place(s) or people we walk or run away from? Why is it that instead we go back to the things that are not always the best for us or what we really want?
I often wonder if instead of having a place or space to call to – to belong to – to rely on we are just wandering souls constantly evading the places or people that make our beings feel at ease. Is it the uncomfortable feelings that something can be good for us so there for we must let it be? Is it the familiar feelings of only knowing the things that cause us to feel not so great and therefore we allow ourselves to gravitate back to those spaces and places?
Someone recently said to me that you accept what you feel you deserve. The what you deserve and what you accept can be anything; living arrangements – intimate relationships – jobs – self-love – friends – family – personal dreams/passions.
We all come with a life path. A journey that we are on. Roads that we travel. We make decisions every day that have an effect on different pieces of those life quilt patches. Some of those pieces feel great and wonderful while others cause us to pause and place another layer of armor. It’s the armor that is a life long process of constantly putting it on and taking it off a little at a time. Often we flood ourselves by removing those protective pieces all at once, and then we become overwhelmed again which can cause our beings to shut down and shut out. Easy or hard memories, you can still have a center of wholeness within. We just need to be patient with ourselves.
I have a journey that I am on and that journey is still unraveling a little bit each time. It’s never ending. That’s the beauty of living. We can constantly evolve if we want it to be so. I have discovered that there are times when I share a bit much about my journey so far, and I have discovered that laying within that is this need of my inner being wanting to feel safe. My journey has had beautiful highs and difficult lows. All are a part of my being, and none of it will go away from my memory. I am working on that piece of me. That piece where sharing is okay, but that I don’t need to place all of me out there so quickly, and that if it’s something that cannot be said face to face than it’s okay to wait. I have also discovered the importance of checking in with the self and checking in with the being of the other. Not only is it important for the person sharing to feel safe, but it’s also important for the person receiving to feel safe as well.
We are evolving humans. We are constantly growing. The growing only stops if we choose to discontinue the learning. It only stops if we choose not to go inside of ourselves and face our own reflections. One of the best gifts that we can give each other is the patience and understanding of knowing that we are all working on something that others may or may not know about. That we are all continually growing and discovering pieces of ourselves that need some ironing out now and again. I am now coming to a place of knowing that just as I have been giving that patience and understanding to others, I too deserve it in return. We accept what we feel we deserve.