There is a great deal of layering that comes with each person. A great deal of peeling back that needs to occur in getting to the essence of who one is. This holds true not just in those trying to get to know another person, but it also holds true for those trying to know themselves. There are so many roads that one travels on in the journey of their lifetime, and so many colors both dark and bright that fill those journeyed roads that we often hold much of who we are close to our being.
Being authentic takes courage, but it also makes us very vulnerable. There are times when that vulnerability causes us to be afraid. I have noticed for me, it often causes me to be afraid to feel the potential joy that can accompany the vulnerability. If I allow myself to feel….so many things can happen because of that. I find at times that I have little issue in sharing my story (this really isn’t a good thing because honestly, not everyone deserves to hear my story and it’s okay to be good with that), but that I tend to get scared when a connection starts to formulate. I want the connection, and the connection feels good, but the thoughts of enduring anything hard with a connection can seem so very overwhelming. I don’t want to be afraid of connecting, I want to connect freely. I want to be the bird who sits on a branch and appreciates the branch knowing fully well that the time may come when the branch can no longer support my being. I want to balance that with knowing the branch may not desire to put me down, and that the connection circulates freely like the wind through a grassy field.
We all come with pieces that are not the most pretty to our inner mirrors. We all come with shiny bits that we put on the surface to seem more pleasing to the eye. What if, what if we allowed what we considered the ugly to mix with what is the beautiful? What if by doing this it leads us to a place of authenticity. A place where who we are all of the time has no space for how we choose to present ourselves only part of the time? What if by allowing ourselves to attempt such things gave way for us to be honest and truthful in both who we are and who we are consistently evolving to be? I would like to try this for myself. I would like to be authentic at all times. In all honesty, it scares me to even contemplate the thought. By allowing myself such freedom(s) it has the ability to allow for so many things. It allows for goodness, it allows for rejection, it allows for connection and it allows for being let go of. I don’t want to be afraid. I want to embrace. I often come across as being one of light, grounded and having it all together. I want to embrace the parts of me that also carry darkness, that can sometimes become unglued and once in a while can be an internal tangled mess.
“….And when you’re not afraid to stay
I won’t be afraid of morning
And when you’re not afraid to say
I’ll never be afraid, to listen….” These lyrics hold true for both connection outwardly and within myself.