Live With Love, Live With Now


Life is like a tidal wave. It has the ability to crash into your existence and sweep you off of your feet, and it has the monumental power to carry you gently and remind you to keep going. It is the moments of nothing making sense when we often question everything that is, everything that was, and everything we have yet to see transform. The questioning of the unknown combined with the power of being knocked down by the pieces we just cannot wrap our minds around is a surge of electrical vibrations that can leave us feeling shocked and unaware of what is happening. There are so many times we sit with the only question we can think of; why?

It’s the why(s) that leave us feeling confused, empty, and uneasy. They don’t allow us to feel settled, and they have the ability to shake us to our core. When they present themselves we instantly become shocked. We are stunned as we look blankly at the spaces before us, desperately looking for answers to questions that will likely go unanswered.  We immediately respond with the words and actions of never letting things go by again. We let the pain penetrate ourselves like the sword of fighting enemies. It goes deep.

And then, it happens. The sword is lowered despite the wound that it created and things we said in the moments of pain go on and off into the air like wisps of smoke rising from a smoldering fire. The embers are still glowing but we have forgotten to stoke the embers to keep the flame going. The ashes are still present but we continue as if the fire only needed to burn while it was ignited.

Life continues, it does, even after those moments that leave us breathless. What we need to practice more of is to live and exist from the pieces that fuel are declarations of not taking life for granted ever again long before a time arises where it hits us how true that is. It should not be only in the moments of grieving that we circle around each other, push ourselves past our zones of comfort, connect with those we love, meet up with someone over a cup of coffee, or allow for the experiences that fuel our existence. It should never be that we live only in a time when death has left us speechless only to go on as if it never happened. We should ALWAYS live, we should NEVER merely exist.

Life is something that should never be taken for granted. It is not sufficient to sit and wait for the moments to arrive. It is not enough to wonder if. It is an empty existence if we don’t allow ourselves to be drawn into the living. Time is a man made constraint which exists for the purpose of fooling us into believing it will always be available. Enjoy it now. Don’t wait for a juncture of the perfect moment. The perfect moment is always now. It is never when. If the moments of now are allowed to slide by into moments of when it feels right you will find yourself waiting a lifetime of not knowing what could have been.

Don’t wait. It has been said to you before. You have read the inspirational quotes. You have had the life altering moments and the unexpected losses. Don’t just sit there. Allow yourself to be in the life that has been given to you. Find your tribe. Be kind to other humans. Sit with the stars. Fill your energy with beautiful moments. You won’t be immune to the challenges of being human, but you will be able to challenge the typical occurrence of living. It’s a gift to be here. It is also a challenge. But, embrace all of it. Learn from the lessons and apply them. Rise up and carry on, but never forget the moments and the people who fueled your fire up the mountain side. Follow the fires that burn on the love that was left behind and carry its torches with each step you take. Live with passion. Live with meaning. Live from a place of hope. Live to laugh. Live to love. It’s a ride that has no known expectancy of when it will be done, so fill it with the moments, and fill it with all of them.




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I Listen



As I sit and look across a shimmering surface frozen with crystals of rain stopped by magic and time, I listen.

I listen to the music pouring out of the speakers echoing the truth of who I am. A human soul who is constantly being born and always evolving.

I listen. I listen to the blood flow through my heart chambers fueling it with needed desire for growth and traveling life’s complexities.

I listen. I listen to the sounds that are quiet as they have fallen into their winter slumber until the first pops of spring awaken their spirits.

I listen. I listen to the brilliance that only stars can sing. Piercing the midnight velvet with their whispering luminosity.

I listen. I listen to the water cascading nearby and falling out from under the ice to the rocky stream below.

I listen. I listen to the remaining leaves of fall still holding on and dancing in the breeze as if they defy what is expected of them with seasonal transition.

I listen. I listen to the softness of simply breathing. Exhaling out with each deep breath that entered in.

I listen. I listen to the pieces that have been stitched together in a beautifully disastrous design to create a bodily vessel which contains all the moments of fallen branches, uprooted plantings, and fiery uprisings.

I listen. I listen to the sound of gravel roads and grassy fields with each step that is taken and connecting to my soul.

I listen. I listen to no expectations but the willingness to try. The journey, not the destination. The moments that drive you, and not just the end when it is over.

I listen. I listen to absorb what I hear, feel, and see. I listen to remember. I listen to not forget. I listen to push myself. I listen to appreciate. I listen to keep going. I listen to slow down. I listen to hope. I listen for love. I listen to give. I listen to receive. I listen to LIVE.

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Entrenched Layers


Digging deep, being vulnerable, and having the courage to not change who you are but to create spaces within yourself to grow, discover and unmask the truth of humanness that we all carry can be challenging. Those deeper layers of which we sleep, think, and reveal ourselves from. It’s human nature to want to connect with others. Connection adds to our existence, and sometimes the desire of wanting to connect more deeply with others and the world of which we live can seem  like a daunting and challenging possibility.

For many of us, the contributions to our internal workings started at a place called home. A place that can put into action how we manage or not manage what the universe throws at us, and how we put ourselves in the epicenter of every day.

We all have stories that we carry, and these stories are trenched in the many layers of who we are. And, these layers carry so many feels and emotions both filled with light and darkness. Then there are the layers of shame, and left unattended and buried within darkened chambers that shame can easily manifest into a million little pieces we are constantly gluing back together.

At the age of 41 I have finally reached that place of truly understanding my value and appreciating that what I have to offer is meaningful, and I deserve all of that in return. I have still found myself in moments where those layers of shame reveal themselves and pierce my cloak, and sometimes it can cause me to go silent. This is challenging when all you want to do is stand up and tell it off.

One of the shaming layers is embedded in my body image, and it can often be reinforced when those who were there on your entry into this world manage to bring it up in different ways. My body weight was/is the only thing I have often felt I have any real power over.  It is attached to so many hard fabric pieces of my life quilt. And, although I can still struggle with what it is and what it has the ability to represent; I have come a long way in not allowing it to turn into the evil…, wait – I don’t want to shame myself. I’ve come a long way in working with it’s challenges and becoming braver when it wants to win or become more of a living existence.

And, that is not an easy thing to do. To stand in the face(s) of our shame and not sit down. But, what if in sharing/talking about our shame we have the ability to intentionally/unintentionally inspire others to share theirs. What if instead of allowing unkind moments either to others or ourselves go off without speaking we stand up to them and take them on.

So many of us love a good challenge; dumping buckets of ice on our heads, throwing ourselves into the frozen waters beneath cut out circles in the ice for a plunge, climbing the jagged rocks of a mountain’s ledge, or consuming 15 pancakes for a free meal. What if we took that desire of being challenged to a different level? What if we talked about and shared the layers of who we are with each other over many moments of conversation and connection? What if we allowed ourselves to listen to the stories another human has to share and giving them the gift of value? What if realized that the thin red line of connection wires us all? There is a certain comfort when you realize that your ass isn’t the only one who has been kicked around in the arena of life. Too often we walk away from the hurt/intolerance assuming someone else will take care of it. What if allow ourselves to be that someone else?

I often tell folks who meet me that I am an open book to anything that could be asked of me. I can also find that challenging when I choose not to answer questions in games of truth or dare, and despite my explanations of why I choose not to answer I am placed into a space of shame for not answering. I am not here for your entertainment.

I challenge you. I challenge me. I challenge us all. It costs nothing to be kind, but the benefits of feeling valued are immeasurable. It’s a gift we all have the ability to give if we only allow ourselves to realize that we can, and that gift starts with giving it to the person you see each and every day in a mirror’s reflection.

Shame isn’t going to go away, but how we manage/face it is something that we will always have the powerful challenge to take on. And, here is a secret….YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

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Simple Human


img_20190105_102053_996I am a simple human. There isn’t anything about me that I would consider outlandish or over the top. I don’t live extravagantly nor do I aim to acquire a view of living based on how much I have or lack there of.

I take silent walks in the woods, adventures with my pup, long drives on back roads, starry nights in the bed of my truck, and time on the waters of nature with my kayak. One of the most mystical sounds I know of is the silent whisper of an owl’s wing(s) as it descends overhead from a nearby branch. A simple whoosh in the night and it disappears again.

I have had my share of struggles and undeniable pain. I have carried my swords of battle, and I have journeyed with heavy coats of armor. But, I have somehow managed to walk knee deep through muddy waters with eyes opened wide through blizzards of cold. Even during moments when standing felt unworthy of my legs, I kept it simple.

I often find myself getting lost on purpose in the echoed chambers of nature’s calling. I light candles and listen to the haunting melodies of native flutes and ancient voices when the world seems dark, but I do it equally when there is light so the shadows know that they do not own me.

I keep it simple when I sit on a mountain lake viewing the Milky Way’s river above as though there is some secret celestial highway that carries us from one destination to the next. And, sailing it so deep that moonbeams burst through the entry points of my soul and illuminate the night.

I constantly find myself viewing the world around me in awe. Both in the beauty it provides and also in the indescribable destruction human hands have scarred it with. There is something so very magical in witnessing a sunrise or watching the moon dance on the horizon. There is a distinct joy in bending your ear(s) to the wind and listening to the sounds of whispering pines, howling wolves, a waterfall’s cascade, or a bee’s dance of purposeful direction.

Keeping it simple doesn’t replace or erase the avalanche of feels/emotions that can enter your space in the universe. But, it can certainly lift you to uncharted layers despite any desire to keep them covered.

On a recent walk with nature I was humbled. I was humbled by the simple/striking presence of an owl. I felt truly honored that this creature entrusted me to know of its existence. I watched in silence moving ever so slowly to be closer to this magical being. I thanked them for their sharing before the sound of my shuffling feet upset the quiet balance as the owl took flight.

On the back end of my sunset walking travels this beautiful soul showed themselves to me again, and once again I found myself humbled. I do not take it lightly when such energy of light gives me moments of their living. I feel that when we appreciate/value the vibrational pulls, we in turn become grounded more deeply with who we are.

I find that I don’t ask or expect very much, and there have been times when this has been to my detriment. Living simply is meaningful, using it as an excuse to how you allow others to treat you is not. I have slowly learned that with my simplicity it is perfectly okay to have simple expectations in return, and that giving people discounts with how they respond to my humanness is no longer acceptable.

It is good to be simple; to listen to the trees, to feel the warmth of burning logs on a campfire, and to breathe the freshness of seasonal air into your lungs. It is equally important to not let others trample on these parts of you allowing them to rob you of your genuine self. It is a simple need to be appreciated/respected/loved, but it doesn’t have to be so simple in the giving away of such gifts when they are not gifted back in return.

Hold enough value for yourself and your amazing energy, and stop giving others excuses to treat you any differently. It’s a lesson I continue to learn and live from.

Through it all I have tried not to alienate the core of who I am. The parts of me that derive replenishment from a warm cup of tea or a back road drive with my pup. I will strive to remain simple. I will continue to receive energy from the moments that pour into my living. For me, I find it a beautiful way to live. But, in my simplicity, I will push myself to expect decency from those allowed inside my part of the universe. I want to know that I am as much of a gift to you, as you are to me. It’s that simple. Now, forgive me, but I have some star gazing to do while owls hoot in the distance.

“Forget about the money for a moment. Lose yourself in the wilderness, listen to the music of the softly blowing winds, feel the rain on your bare skin, let the mountains take the burden off your shoulders.”
― Kiran Bisht

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Frozen Layers


It is not easy digging deep and under the layers of vulnerability to allow our authentic selves surface through. It can emulate looking at a frozen lake where a layer of water melt has replaced the snow white landscape. You are consciously aware that it is okay to walk on the thickened layers of ice, but seeing the water’s transparency beneath your feet and watching the liquid movement through mirrored glass as you place your foot down causes you to become overwhelmed with an exposure of fear.

What if I fall through? What if the iced layers fail to protect me and others are able to see everything contained underneath them. It can appear/feel like an unintentional drowning. When we spend so much time freezing our truth(s) in a sort of vessel of undisclosed time, any melting of the protected layers can feel like a certain death.

If they really see me, will they still value/like me? The fearful feelings can penetrate you like a razor sharp icy shard dancing on the edge of sanity. But, this can be so very damaging. Harboring ourselves to the point of weighted movement(s) is like an illness we choose to ignore. We know it’s there, we know it needs to come out, but we ignore it out the fear of exposure.

No one needs to throw themselves across a glass water pond. Falling on the ice can be painful, but it’s okay to walk gently with ourselves. It’s okay to stand in the moments that want to push us under. The moments that attempt to grab us at the ankles and shackle us down. Gently resist these moments with fierce intensity. Allow for the first step to glide your movements into skating across the frozen tundra unfurled before you. Pushing the surfaced water aside and leaving carved out ice trails underneath.

Those trails make us human, and those trails lead us to connection. In the end it is the vulnerability of walking on the ice that slowly erases the fear of falling through. And when we spin ourselves the truth of who we really are, we’ll never want for anything more. We will want to relish in its moments, and we’ll never want for anything more than to always stand with the truth(s) shining brightly and not to be extinguished. It’s who you are. It’s you are meant to be. It’s the one thing you have that nothing in this world can take from you. Own it. Live it. Be it. Wrap yourself in it.

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Embrace the Last


Each year I like to start off taking some time alone. I throw myself into nature and start from a place of simplicity. It’s not anything glitzy, but to me it is worth its weight in gold. It’s a way to go back before taking another journey forward. It isn’t about forgetting, but about reflecting on where I was and where I now stand, and that is a very powerful thing. This past year had many challenges, but there were many points of light which I made space for despite the fear.

It is inevitable, when one year ends its 365 paged chronicle of your existence in this world…a new one sets to begin. While the pages of magazines and the brightness of glowing screens tell you to; begin anew, forget the past, create new lists, and remember to set forth new things to accomplish and resolutions; take a pause. Allow yourself to sit and reflect on all of the moments, and I do mean all of them, that just cascaded through your life for the past 52 weeks. 525,600 minutes that in the seconds they were happening you may have been completely unaware of their magnitude.

Yes, a new year is upon you. But, it isn’t all about (nor should it be) how many more minutes you can throw yourself into the gym or how many more carrot sticks vs potato chips you’re going to munch on. Resolutions can be fun, but what is it that you want to evolve. How do you wish to see yourself? I mean, after all, whatever just preceded this day….YOU DID IT. You made it through every moment that captured your heart and every event that cut you down. There were moments when you laughed until you cried, and there were times when crying was all that you could manage. There were days when taking one more thing felt like the end, and then there were days when all things didn’t seem to be enough.

Then there were the pauses. The rare occasions where you let yourself sit, reflect, and absorb. During these brief miracle dives you could remember. You could remember who you were, who you are, and where you wish to be. You got lost in the simplicity that one constantly yearns for; starry filled nights, fields of fireflies, a warm cup of tea, time with those who lift you, and places that constantly feed your existence.

You stumbled some. You grew some. You lived. You found the way to manage more steps forward despite any pushbacks that rattled the doors of your cage. You took a great deal on, but at times allowed yourself the gift of letting a little bit go.

Be proud. Be proud of the person that started this past year with hesitations and reservations. Be proud of the person that picked themselves up and allowed for the offerings of support. Be proud in how you learned to trust a little bit more even when your trusted go to of shutting out felt easier. Be proud for recognizing that others see in you what you always wanted others to see, and that what you see in yourself is valued and respected.

It’s a New Year. There are 365 days ahead of you. There are 525,600 minutes to fill with loud and silent moments/busy and quiet days. FORGET the resolutions! Instead, simply remember to live. Live with the truth of your authentic vulnerable self; for “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”. You got this, and the truth is…you always did. HAPPY NEW YEAR.



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Vulnerability is Beauty

brene brown - vulnerabiityI have no desire or force-able illusion to think that acquiring certain things will change the way something is. It can be challenging though. It would seem logical that having the means to be financially independent or the ability to work out to build physical strength would transform the smoke and mirrors into true reflections of desired happiness, but it doesn’t work out that way.

We all come with our vulnerable pieces that hide in the shadows. Rusty nuts and bolts that bring shame because we see their discolored appearance as the reasons for malfunction, or at the very least, the reasons things never work just as they should.

I too have my squeaky rusted out bits that sometime feel as though they’re barely functioning, and sometimes they feel as if they’ve stopped all together. These mechanical wirings  are neither useless or meaningless, they are mine.

In the very way nature nurtures itself through the elements, mastering the art of letting go, and reclaiming itself….we must do the same. It’s not about having the biggest and the best. It’s about owning the light that we are and appreciating what keeps it burning. It’s the work we put into ourselves to love who we are and understand the value that each of us holds.

I don’t wish to compare myself to anyone or anything. It should never be that way. Love is love. Hard is hard. Meaningful is meaningful. Everything simply presents itself in different ways to each person, and whatever these pieces are shouldn’t be respected/appreciated/understood any more or any less from one soul to the next.

If we take the time to allow ourselves to dig deep inside our truths, we will find strength in our vulnerabilities. If we allow our energies to connect to those who find value in this, we will find deeper connection and the ability to be seen/heard with clarity with those who have earned such a privilege with the beautiful/intense souls that we are. Practice vulnerability, and allow this gift to be fully opened by others who deserve to receive it.

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